Restorative Conversations To Support Pupil Behaviour

Restorative Conversations to support pupil behaviour

In classrooms across the country, behaviour isn’t just a set of choices — it’s often a language pupils use to tell us something is going on beneath the surface. Traditional consequences can sometimes address what a pupil did, but they rarely get to why it happened or how to support the child, so it doesn’t arise again. That’s where restorative conversations come in. As ‘O’ Brien 2018 identifies restorative practices create space and time for harm caused to be communicated and to start the process to heal the relationship. They are not a ‘soft option’, but a powerful tool for rebuilding relationships, reflecting on actions, and growing emotional literacy.

A restorative conversation isn’t a chat about behaviour as an isolated incident. It’s a structured, purposeful dialogue that helps a pupil:

• recognise their feelings and behaviour,
• understand the impact on themselves and others,
• take responsibility, and
• co-create a plan to move forward with positive choices.

It’s important to stress that this isn’t about “letting them off”; it’s about equipping pupils with the skills and awareness to make better decisions next time — an investment in long-term behaviour change, not a quick fix.

What a Restorative Conversation Looks Like in Practice

Across many schools, restorative conversations are guided by a set of core questions. These prompts help teachers sensitively steer the discussion while giving the pupil space to reflect:

1. What happened?
2. What were you thinking/ feeling at the time?
3. What have you thought/ felt since it happened?
4. Who has been affected and how?
5. What could you/ we do now to make things right?
6. What can you do differently next time?
7. What support do you need?

These questions create a narrative arc from event to impact to solution– and they position the pupil as an active agent in their learning and behaviour.

Restorative conversations should be calm, respectful, and private- away from peers and the pressure of the moment. They’re most effective when pupils have had time to self-regulate first, rather than being pulled straight into a discussion while still dysregulated.

The Role of Emotional Awareness in Behaviour

Let’s be honest: a lot of behaviour stems from unrecognised or unarticulated emotions. A pupil who lashes out might be scared, overwhelmed, tired, or frustrated — and they may not have the vocabulary or confidence to say so. That’s why emotional literacy is at the heart of restorative practice.

Empowering pupils to recognise and communicate how they feel builds stronger relationships and helps to prevent conflict in the first place. Research and classroom experience both point to the importance of helping pupils name, understand and express emotions- “happy”, “sad”, “angry”, “scared” and more- as a foundation for behaviour that supports learning.

This is where creative classroom tools like My Mood Stars become more than just pretty resources- they become bridges between feeling and word.

Bringing My Mood Stars into Restorative Conversations

My Mood Stars are eight soft, tactile stars that depict emotions such as Happy, Sad, Angry, Scared, Timid, Silly, Sleepy and Surprised. They’re designed to help children recognise and talk about what they’re feeling.

Here’s how you can use them to enhance restorative conversations:

1. Emotion Check-In Before the Talk

Before starting a restorative conversation, ask the pupil to choose a Mood Star that matches how they felt at the time of the incident and how they feel now. This gives you a clear emotional entry point and helps reduce resistance for pupils who struggle to express feelings verbally.

This checks in body and mind– recognising that behaviour isn’t just a choice but an expression of emotional state.

2. Visualising the Impact

Use two stars- one for the pupil, one representing others affected (even you). Having pupils physically place or hold the stars adds a non-threatening visual anchor to the discussion. It helps them connect the dots between internal experience and external impact (e.g., “When I was Angry Star, I shouted and that made others feel Sad Star”).

3. Supporting Pupils With SEND

Some pupils find it particularly difficult to articulate feelings or maintain eye contact during reflective dialogue. Mood Stars give them a symbolic language to communicate without pressure- especially useful for pupils on the autism spectrum or with language barriers.

4. Follow-Up Planning

Once the pupil has identified emotions with the stars and spoken about them, you can reference the stars again during goal-setting. For instance: “Next time you feel Timid Star before a group task, what could you do to stay calm?” This bridges emotion recognition and future behaviour strategies.

By integrating Mood Stars into restorative chats, you keep the focus on learning from the behaviour, not just recording it.

Final Thoughts: Culture, Consistency, Care

Restorative conversations shouldn’t be a bolt-on or something that only happens after extreme incidents. They work best when they’re part of a whole-school culture where relationship, empathy, and reflection are the default. Teachers should lead with curiosity, not accusation- because when pupils feel heard and understood, they’re far more likely to engage in reflection and change.

Remember: restorative practice is about repairing harm and building capacity, not about proving guilt or blame. With tools like My Mood Stars, we give pupils both the language and the safe space to explore their emotions, making restorative conversations more meaningful, accessible and effective.

After all, we aren’t just teaching behaviour- we’re teaching humans how to understand themselves and each other.

References

O’Brien, J. (2018) Better behaviour: a guide for teachers. Los Angeles: SAGE.

The author

Wendy White

Wendy is a retired child minder of 25 years. It was whilst Wendy was child minding that her passion for Early Years education developed. Due to shortages of affordable and effective emotion resources online, Wendy decided to create her own emotion resource and My Mood Stars were born!

https://www.wendywoo.uk/

The author

Mr T of Mr T's NQT/ECT support

Mr T of @MrTs_NQTs has been an NQT mentor for the past 10 years and has mentored 16 NQTs during that time. These NQTs have ranged in their abilities but have all been supported to make them the best teacher that they can be, drawing on their individual strengths and personalities. He is currently seeking to support a wider range of teachers in their early career through his twitter feed and continue to support as many teachers as he can to achieve what they are truly capable of.